Today is one of them days. Weariness creeps up. I'm tired, frustrated, impatient and it gets the better of me. It's not about crying woe is me. I do not look at these past six months as why did this happen to me. I welcome the challenge because I don't have to fight alone. The drug Tamoxifen messes with my hormones. I am a woman so my emotions are already whacked! Lack of energy doesn't allow me to be the best wife and mom I know I can be. I am usually on top of household chores, homework, paying bills etc. Not so much anymore. It's very frustrating. I have a great family and great friends who encourage me and tell me it's okay that I'm not superwoman. I think part of me still thinks I need to be.
It is mostly the emotions that are overwhelming and so difficult to explain even to myself. I feel so foolish sometimes when the tears come in the quietness of my house. But I remembered that even Jesus wept. Jesus also prayed fervently in the Garden of Gethsemane when He was overwhelmed with grief which is the reason why sometimes only God sees my tears. Who better than Him to understand completely.
This is not a pity party. It's part of my reality. I do have bad days and to share just the good doesn't tell the whole story.
Teresa, thanks for saying what so many of us feel... it's ok to be completely alone and lean on God, and realize that you really are not alone after all. I sure hope you're having a better day today, and that the hormone hurricane doesn't sweep you away anytime soon. :-)
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