A Lenten Commitment

     Asked God to help me come up with something to do for Lent.  I don't feel convicted to give anything up but feel compelled to do something.  I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore but those Catholic roots have stayed with me.  I believe it's a wonderful gesture and does more for a person than they realize.

      A few years ago I felt very convicted to give up facebook.  THAT was hard!  One year I gave up chocolate.  That was quite difficult as well.  I don't give up something every year including last year.  This year I took some time to talk to God to ask him for guidance in what He thought I should do this year. 

      I LOVE to pray for people, no doubt, and I love when God puts someone on my heart to pray for but when I was living my breast cancer chapter, I realized even more how powerful prayer really is.  I was touched by the amount of people who said they were praying for me.  After that chapter, I vowed to make sure if someone asked for prayer via facebook, email, etc I would stop and pray for that person or situation RIGHT THEN AND THERE.  How many times have we said something like, "I'm praying for you" or "You'll be in my prayers" but then go on our merry way and never even mutter a, "God, please help so and so today"?  That chapter in my life was a life changing time and my prayer life became much "gooder" as a result of it.  

So, what did God and I decide on this year?  Simple:  More praying.  But specifically I am asking God to put a particular person on my heart each day and I am committing to pray fervently for that person throughout the day.  On this first day of Lent, just from looking at my friends' facebook statuses, so many need prayer and I vow to whisper a prayer for them, but God has already laid someone in particular on my heart so here I go.  I am so looking forward to doing this and I cannot wait to see who God puts on my heart each and every day.

                              God's timing IS perfect!

Jeanette 1968-2010...Gone But Not Forgotten

            We didn't share a locker.  I don't think we shared any classes.  We didn't share the same group of friends back in our high school years.  Unbeknownst to both of us we would grow up to share the same disease - breast cancer.  Hers aggressive.  Mine not.

          Jeanette was a smart cookie in high school, someone I didn't think I could "hang" with because I didn't carry the same grades as her.  How silly that sounds to me now.  I remember her being kind and always smiling.  She was involved in her activities at school, me with mine and a big regret of mine now is not getting to know her better sooner.

         Jeanette and I reconnected October 2009 after I had been diagnosed with breast cancer myself.  A friend of ours (Den and me) who is connected with the Red Wings invited me to watch a game in one of the suites with other breast cancer survivors.  This was their annual breast cancer fundraiser night.  I was told I could invite another breast cancer survivor.  I wasn't sure if Jeanette would want to come since we hadn't spoken to each other since our reunion but not knowing anyone else personally who was a survivor, I gave it a shot.  She was more than thrilled to come.  This is when I started to realize how witty and comical and real Jeanette really was.  I remember so vividly when we pulled up to Joe Louis Arena and she saw all those steps which she thought she'd have to climb.  Jeanette (in her humorous,

Jeanette standing next to Steve Yzerman

Jeanette tone):  "Um, we don't have to climb all them steps, do we?"  Mind you, Jeanette was mobile but still needed the use of her cane due to hip surgery a little while prior and the fact she was still fighting off this ugly disease.  Bekki, my friend who drove us and organized this event assured Jeanette that we would be getting door to door service and that an elevator would take us to where we needed to go. What a fun evening we had with other survivors and a personal visit to our suite by Steve Yzerman.  


        Since that game we really only shared a couple of lunches together and sent a few emails back and forth but each time we conversed I realized what a great gal this was.  She had been fighting cancer for years but never seemed to let that be an excuse for not living life.  I remember one of our last lunches where she needed the use of her walker and had lost feeling and the use of one of her hands but again, she talked and acted as if life was normal.  She never allowed me to feel sorry for her.  I had wanted to help her cut her food but I didn't even dare to try to interfere with that as she wasn't going to let this cancer take away the seemingly simple task of cutting her food.  We talked about how I was in the midst of redoing my son's room and she told me how she wanted to get to HER son's room to redo.  We talked about getting together with Cheri to start planning our 25th class reunion.  Life, to Jeanette, was a gift everyday that she woke up and she was going to live it to the fullest.  




       We did end up having one more lunch together with Cheri to discuss reunion planning which we had all hoped Jeanette would be able to attend.  It was a nice lunch on a warm, sunny, October afternoon.  Unfortunately Jeanette will not be attending the reunion..  


     Jeanette passed away on Dec 28, 2010.  It was less than two weeks prior I found out Jeanette was in the hospital and I knew I needed to visit her.  I felt in my soul this would be the last time I saw her this side of heaven.   It was a short visit but nothing less than sweet.  Her dad was there when I arrived and he decided to leave when I came.  I will never forget Jeanette's response to her dad when he said he'd be back to visit tomorrow.  She said, "Okay daddy.  Bye daddy.  I love you daddy."  It was very sweet.   A "chemo buddy" was there as well telling Jeanette a story and this friend had nothing but praises to report to me about Jeanette.  I learned so much more about Jeanette in this short ten minute visit that I will treasure.  I gave her a hug and upon leaving she told me to call her if Cheri and I decided to do more planning for the reunion.  So typical of Jeanette.  I prayed a prayer of salvation the next day over the phone with her.  That would be the last conversation we had.




       I attended her funeral on New Year's Eve day, a day where many consider it a celebration of  "out with the old and in with the new.  It seems fitting to have commended Jeanette to God on this day.....I am told we get new bodies when we go to heaven....out with the old and in with the new.  I am confident Jeanette has now received her new, cancer FREE body.....new boobs and all!


                        Jeanette (Zelazny) Kappe  1968-2010     


                        You will be missed my friend.

Not Thinking About it and Just Doing It

We've all been there....made the wrong choice, wrong decision, said the wrong thing to someone and hurt their feelings.  We've done stupid, silly, regretful things and bonk our head AFTERWARD and ask our self, "Why did I do that???", "What was I thinking???"   "If I had thought BEFORE I spoke, or considered the consequence of my choice BEFORE I acted on it, perhaps I would have talked myself out of doing what I now know is wrong."
 
     On the flip side....have you ever had that conviction to do something good such as make dinner for someone in need, send a card to a friend who's going through a tough time, volunteer at the school, hospital, or retirement home.  Maybe you felt you needed to phone a family member you haven't talked to in awhile or run an errand for a neighbor.  Whatever it is I'm sure we've all experienced this conviction of knowing we need to do this deed but for some reason we don't act on it right away (as in when you made that WRONG decision.) Rather, we immediately go into that "excuses" mode as to why we can't act on our conviction and before you know it we've talked our self out of doing that which we should have done.


Example: You're walking into a store and see that cold person, all bundled up, ringing that bell next to the red  Salvation Army kettle and you know you should give SOMETHING but instead of pulling out a buck or some change from your pocket NOW, you say to self, "I'll catch them on the way out."  You do your shopping and spend a tad more than you wanted.  As you head to the exit....there's that bell.  You end up not giving this time because those few dollars in your pocket are begging for that McCafe Mocha you absolutely NEED right now and figure you'll catch the kettle next time.  Guess what?  You just missed a blessing. 


      I've been there a few times in my life....someone is having a surgery and I KNEW I should make them dinner but I talked myself out of it by saying there's no time to go to the store to get the ingredients.  The budget this month just doesn't allow for me to buy extra groceries.  This person has a great family and a church who will take care of them.  Guess what?  God put it on MY heart to bless this family and I blew it for them and I blew for me.  I truly believe I have missed out on so many blessings because I blew my chance.  I talked myself out of doing what I should have done per God.  I now strive to look for those opportunities God puts in front of me and I pray I don't miss them. 

Example:  A couple weeks ago I drove through the Tim Horton's where my son, Chris works.  I've always wanted to pay for the person who sits behind me in drive thru and just drive off but never had the courage to do it for some reason.  This particular day I decided to do it, yet when I got to the window (my son was working the drive thru collecting money), I started to have all sorts of doubts....what if the order is too large and expensive?  What if the workers, better yet, my son think I'm weird?  I decided to just go for it.  After I paid for my coffee I asked Chris how much the person's order behind me was.  He told me $1.60.  I gave him two bucks and told him I was paying for her order.  He was baffled and the woman working with him just smiled and said, "It's so good to know there are such nice people out there still."  I told my son to tell the woman behind me that the customer ahead of her has taken care of her order.  I did not tell anyone I did this.  The only people who knew about this incident were my son, the woman working with him and the woman whose coffee I paid for.  I have been taught not to boast in your good works and to let God reward you for your deed for as to boast to someone is your own reward.  Good enough.  Here's where the story gets good.  My stop at Tim Horton's was en route to Bed Bath and Beyond.  Silly me forgot the hundreds of coupons (exaggeration, of course) I have at home for this store.  A worker asked me if I needed help with anything.  I said, "Yeah, I need a coupon since I forgot all of mine at home!"  He politely said to bring the receipt back with the coupon and they'll give me a price adjustment.  To me that was too much work but figured I may do just that.  Standing in line in front of me at the checkout was a woman holding a handful of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.  She kept staring at me and the item I held and after a few minutes finally asked me if I needed a coupon.  Yep, there was my blessing. Times three!  God blessed me above and BEYOND what I sowed.  Granted it was only five dollars off my order but was THREE times what I gave earlier in the day!  And to think, I almost talked myself out of paying for this woman's coffee.  (Too bad her order wasn't like ten bucks or something! (Just kidding!) 

          Now, I'm not saying we are to do these things for the sole purpose of getting something in return but certainly, we reap what we sow.  Ask the farmer, he'll tell ya.  Sow a little, get a little.  I truly believe God WANTS to bless us and I am finding out I CANNOT out give God.  Do I give because I expect God to bless me?  Yes I do because God knows my heart and motives!  Do I give because I expect God to bless me the way I want and when I want to be blessed?  Nope!  It's up to HIM to bless in HIS perfect time.  He knows what I need and when I need it.  I will never know who that woman was in drive thru but perhaps just maybe she'll pay it forward to someone else someday and voila, some else being blessed.  

        The reason I share this story is because Dennis (hubby) one day came home from his men's group and shared with me something he "took" from his group that day.  He said so many people are doing God's work but aren't talking about it.  I told him I believe many don't talk about it for the same reason I don't talk about it...ya don't want to sound boastful.  He explained, "The problem with NOT sharing (at least every now and then) is that we don't know how people's lives are being changed because of God.  If people don't hear about God, how are they going to believe in Him?"  That's when I decided to share my Tim Horton's and Bed Bath and Beyond incident with him.  I bet almost anything the woman at Bed Bath and Beyond who gave me a coupon experienced the same thing at one point in her life and someone offered her a coupon and now she paid it forward. 


Obviously some things SHOULD be kept between you and God but bottom line is, big or small, no deed goes unnoticed by God.  And to the person you are ministering to?  Well, you may never know how huge of an impact you made on their lives because you didn't think about it and you just did it! 


(By the way, had you put that money in the Salvation Army Kettle that day, who is to say God wouldn't have put someone in your life later in the day to bless YOU with a coffee or a McCafe mocha?)


                   Have a great day all!

Ask and it Will be Given to You

So I say to you, Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.  Luke 11:9

After last year's diagnosis of breast cancer, thoughts of doing some sort of breast cancer fund raising walk definitely weighed on my mind.  Of course never having done something like that before and not knowing even where to begin, I just didn't pursue it and really had no inkling to pursue it since it is totally out of my comfort zone.  Well, along comes Kim, a fairly new friend of mine whose son is in Matthew's grade, who just HAS to ask me if I ever considered doing an Avon Walk and that she was going to register to walk the one in Chicago even if she did it by herself but would love to have me join her.  I don't know Kim very well yet but enough to know that this is something totally out of her comfort zone as well.  I didn't give her a yes or no answer right away.  I knew deep down this was an adventure that would probably be very rewarding but I also was looking for excuses NOT to do it because I was nervous.

I did what I know how to do best, I sought God's opinion.  I prayed and prayed asking Him if this is something I should do, NEED to do.  I honestly did not get a clear cut answer which absolutely perturbs me sometimes (God?)!  Lol!  What I've learned though through my prayer life is that sometimes the answer is a clear cut no.  Sometimes it is yes.  Other times not now and in this particular case, God didn't have a clear cut answer.  I believe He would be okay with whatever decision I made.  He wouldn't be disappointed with me if I chose NOT to do the walk and I knew He would be there should I decide to participate.

So, it was decision making time.  I knew the longer I waited to say yes (if that indeed was going to be my answer) I needed to do it soon because I needed to raise money.  Finally, I made the decision to walk.  But then the realization of what you just did hits.  OMGoodness!  39.3 miles in two days????   Raise $1800????  Chicago????  Again, God, you're gonna have to help me out.  Somehow, someway this money will be raised.  Those who can give will give, right? 

I registered to walk Sunday night.  I don't even have my materials yet.  I set up my online donation page Monday morning.  I decided to raise my fundraising goal to $2000.  Today is Tuesday morning.  I have donations totaling $1100 already.  This is NOT my doing.  This is GOD working!  This was me and Dennis ASKING God for help and look what happens.... friends and family who are able are starting to step up to the plate!

But, I'm not there yet.  Kim and I are doing this together.  I am enclosing both her link and mine.  Since it's what God tells us to do, ask and it will be given to you, this is me asking for your support.  If you feel compelled to give, even if only $5.00, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!  If financially you aren't able then will you consider praying for Kim and me as we embark on this adventure?

Teresa's Avon Breast Cancer Walk Page

Kim's Avon Breast Cancer Walk Page

2009 - What a Blessed Year!

I can't imagine what my life would be like without having experienced the year 2009.  Breast cancer was our major hurdle this past year and one could say doctors' visits, surgeons, oncologist, decision making, surgeries and more was the theme of our lives for 2009 but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt without all those "distractions" my relationships with my family, friends and most of all God would not, COULD not be where it is now.

The blessings this year have far outweighed any negatives.  It was my son's senior year and I got to see him play his best basketball game ever against our rival school, home court, scoring the most points he's ever scored!   Amazing!  And although Dennis and I missed it due to an appointment, Chris pitched a phenomonal last high school career baseball game!  Without 2009 that could not have happened.  

Breast cancer struck, literally, in the midst of graduation time for my son.  I admit it was difficult to hold it together a few times, even breaking down at his senior mass, but the satisfaction of watching Chris graduate couldn't have been greater.  Without the events of 2009 I don't know if I would have seen the true colors as I did of my family and friends when they pulled together to put together the "bestest" graduation party for Chris.  My mastectomy was exactly 11 days prior to his party and there was NO way I could have pulled off a party without them.  First of all Den who had to juggle work, coaching, cleaning, cooking, laundry, making sure the backyard looked good for a party.  My mom and Ann who cooked and cooked and cooked chicken.  Ron and Cindy who let us use their backyard for extra space.  Steve who cut the grass the day before.  Cindy and Louise for decorations.  Billy, Steve, Marc and Johnny who were doing their best to push water with brooms and pump water out of the backyard after torrential downpours the night before.  It was a hopeless cause by the way.  Kelly driving me to Party City to pick up the balloons.  A seemingly small gesture but HUGE in my case at the time.  Pam, Erin, Ann and Kelly who decorated.  Laurie, MY LIFESAVER, who managed the whole kitchen scene and made sure the food was cooked and served on time.  Steve and Ann who came back the next day, Father's Day, to help clean up.  I mean, who does all this???


I have met some amazing women, "sisters", this year who are either breast cancer survivors, some still fighting it, and I am better for knowing them.  I haven't had to endure the treatments as some of them have and after hearing what they go through, they are my heros.  How about new friends and old friends I've caught up with through facebook?  Some have sent so many prayers our way I feel they have been on this journey with me.

My husband has a job (not an easy task these days in Michigan.)  I have two healthy boys.  A son in college who continues his education by his choice.  Transportation.  We have a roof over our heads.  A vacation to the beach again.  I met Steve Yzerman!  Was able to get the word out, with the help of Cheri (big time) the message of how important mammograms - early detection is.  I GOT NEW BOOBS!  Lol!  Yes, even though it was by means of a mastectomy, that's one of the funnest things that happened this year.  Dennis leading a men's group for the first time ever.  The freedom to worship at a place of OUR choosing.  Winning the essay contest sponsored by the Breast Cancer Site.  Being able to celebrate Christmas once again with family.  Meals provided by Dawn, Stacey, Theresa & Paul.  Shirts given and lent to me by Ann and Tracey.  Medical insurance.  Dental insurance.  Den's parents and my parents still alive and doing well.  Sister's mammogram came back clear.  And so on and so on and so on.....

I could go on about how many blessings there were in 2009, little and huge. My point is, breast cancer doesn't define 2009 for me. Oh, it was a major part of our lives but in our eyes it was a gift because it brought about too many other positive things for me to say pooey on you breast cancer.  Or pooey on 2009.  (Pooey?  I know.  But that was the first word that came to my mind so I'm stickin' with it.  Lol!)


2009 was a great year because I have grown as a child of God, learning to pray differently, learning to look for the lesson, learning to trust in Him and be grateful to Him for every situation that comes my way.  It is not always easy but I have accepted that that is the only way I am going to get to where He wants me to be.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Gift - I Dare You to Accept

If I were a betting woman I would bet that many of you who start reading this will not finish to the end but I dare you to take the time - not for me but perhaps so you may receive the best gift you have ever gotten.

So, as I'm getting myself ready to attack the to do list I made this morning (to do lists help me get motivated and with Christmas almost here I needed some motivation) all of a sudden I get this nagging voice in my head to share the best gift I ever received which means that instead of putting my shoes on and warming up the car I am sitting here updating my blog.  Don't get me wrong, I want to do what God convicts me to do but it sure seems like He asks me to do it at the most inopportune times.  Sure I could put it off until later but I'm finding it easier and easier to just do it right away so the nagging will stop.

Back in March of 1993 was about the one year mark of Dennis and I trying to conceive our second child.  Anyone who has suffered through infertility knows the devastating emotions that come with it.  Our desire to have another child was so strong.  While many of my friends were pursuing their careers, all I really wanted in life was to be a wife and mom of at least three kids.  My sister-in-law, seeing my anguish, was what many call a Born Again Christian took a step of faith with me. 

Like her, I was raised in the Catholic faith, knew what Jesus did for me, went to Catholic school and I made all my sacraments.  She asked me, "But have you ever really asked Jesus into your heart?"  I was caught off guard and felt quite uncomfortable with this question.  I don't remember what I said but what happened next was one of the best gifts anyone could ever give me.  I can't remember everything my sis-in-law said to me but I will always remember her leading me in the prayer of salvation.  I thought, "Cool.  Now that I'm REALLY a special child of God, I will get pregnant quicker."  NOT!  (Long story short, it was 6 1/2 years before we would become pregnant with our second and last child.)

The reason I share this is because even though I was certain there was a God and that He loved me, I never really took the time to invite Him into my life and get to know Him.  I have many Facebook friends who I know ABOUT from looking at their info page but if I'm honest there are only a handful of Facebook friends that I know more personally.  Why is that?  Because we take the time to GET to know one another.  We take the time to share stories, emails and even invite one another to do things together.  Through those 6 1/2 years of trying to get pregnant, I really got to know God better.  Even though I had accepted Him as my Saviour (which is the first step), there was a lot I still needed to find out about Him and myself.  Reading the Bible and coming to Him in prayer was the best way I got to know him better.  My faith in Him grew and grew through those years so when we finally did get pregnant it was more meaningful and the gratitude was much more than it ever could have been had we become pregnant without doing it God's way.

I look back and realize I thought of God as my genie in the bottle.  I say this because so many people think the same way and give up on God.  They say they believe, ask for something through prayer, don't receive what they want and say something like, "Well, I guess God isn't all He's cracked up to be".  Many people get nervous, uncomfortable, scared and won't take that step of faith to invite Jesus into their life because they fear they're going to become a "Holy Roller" standing on street corners preaching about salvation.  Some think they're going to have to leave their current church or the faith they grew up in.  Although Dennis and I now attend a non-denominational church, we still send our children to Catholic school.  Christianity is not about denominations or where you choose to worship, it's about a relationship with Jesus.  Some hear the words "Born Again Christian" and think they're going to have to give up the fun things in their lives and become these dull, boring people.  Um, have you met my husband, Dennis?  He's a Christian and there's nothing boring about him!  I call it being a follower of Jesus and it's Him who will bring about any changes in you.  He does it, not you.   

I am pretty certain when you hand a gift to someone this Christmas they're going to reach out and accept it from you just as you will receive gifts from others. The best gift you can ever receive is ready for you to unwrap right now and that gift is Jesus.  Don't make it complicated.  Just receive it.  That's the catch - YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THE GIFT.  God will not make you take it.  So many people are hurting and struggling when the answer is right there in front of them.

My gift to whomever reads this particular blog is to share a prayer of salvation similar to the one my sister-in-law prayed with me back on March 6, 1993.  It was the best thing I could have done and I hope you take a moment to really reflect on this prayer and let it sink into your heart and spirit.

Dear Lord,

I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I have lived my life for myself. I am sorry and I repent. I ask you to forgive me. I believe that you died on the cross for me, to save me. You did what I could not do for myself. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life, I give it to you. Help me to live every day in a way that pleases you. I love you, Lord, and I thank you that I will spend all eternity with you.
Amen

Merry Christmas!

Restrictions Lifted and Perhaps a Special B'day Gift in March

Just got back from another post op visit with the plastic surgeon.  I didn't have huge expectations because I've learned and accepted this is a long process which must not be rushed.  Ultimately it is teaching me to rely more on God and less on me.  It is teaching me patience which I thought I had enough of.

My last visit a month ago left me disappointed when the doc told me I still had major restrictions as far as working out or going in the jacuzzi and that nipple reconstruction wouldn't take place until January 2010 (was hoping for Christmas.)  I was pretty deflated then.  I eventually got out of that funk and was a "good girl" and only did what was allowed so as not to ruin my plastic surgeon's masterpiece.

Going in today I cautiously hoped and prayed I'd be given clearance to start doing more intense work outs like I used to.  It's a part of my life that has been missing for six months.  I already knew whatever was told to me was for my own good so if clearance wasn't given then so be it.

I AM ECSTATIC RIGHT NOW!  I was given something back today that breast cancer took away from me for awhile!  Doc gave me clearance to start incorporating weights and aerobic type exercise back into my routine.  I do have a minor restriction - no push ups or other types major chest exercises.  But so what.  I hate doing push ups anyway.  Besides, he explained to me these types of exercises could ruin the cleavage I now have.  We can't have that now, can we?  (Again, TMI?  Sorry.)

I don't need to see the plastic surgeon again until February which in itself would be great news, however this means nipple reconstruction is prolonged for an even longer time than originally anticipated.  A little disappointment crept up but was very short lived.  I GET TO WORK OUT!  And, I have a birthday in March so perhaps I will receive a "one of a kind" birthday gift next year.

I'm still not done with appointments for this year.  I see the surgeon who performed my mastectomy in December and resulting from that appointment I will probably need an MRI to check to make sure no cancer has returned.

Going to work out now.! And yes, I will ease into it.  I promise!