Small Gestures, Big Blessings

        These past couple months I have tried to faithfully honor each of my Facebook friends on their birthday by recognizing them on my own wall about how I know them. My goal is to talk about their positive traits, and what they mean to me. This started out as something I wanted to do for THEM but being almost a quarter into the year, I have found that this has become so much more of a blessing for me. Reflecting back on each and every friend thus far I am realizing just how important every action, word, or deed, no matter how big or small, from someone can impact a person's life. Some friends on Facebook are more of acquaintances. Others are friends from childhood or friends of friends. Some are family members and others are really close friends. I just recently wished two of my friends birthday wishes whose simple acts of kindness after I came home from the hospital from having my mastectomy back in '09' are etched in my heart and memory forever. Other friends' examples of strength, honesty, kindness, grace, and compassion have forever helped me want to be better in those areas of my life. 

      Just within the last hour of me writing this post, I was reminded once again the power of a simple gesture. A couple years ago I was informed of an acquaintance being diagnosed with breast cancer. A friend told me about this person and thought she could benefit from me going to see her, talk to her, share my story (my original blog.) Sometimes being called on like this is so very out of our comfort zone that we might talk ourselves out of doing what it is God is calling us to do. It was easy for me to talk about our story with those whom I knew and on social media (Facebook) but to go talk to someone who I didn't know was definitely an uncomfortable situation for me but after some prayer and asking God for His will I knew I just had to do it. So I did. I printed up my story, drove to her house, knocked on her door, reintroduced myself, and tried to keep things simple and to the point when explaining why I was there. I briefly told her my story and handed her my original blog to read at her leisure but then proceeded to listen to HER initial story of diagnosis. Afterward I gave her a hug, told her I would pray for her and gave her my phone number in case she ever needed anything. A few months had gone by and I didn't hear anything about how things were going. I sent her a card and just continued to pray for her and her family and that all was going well with her and her treatment. Well. Lo and behold, out of the blue Den ran into her husband and one of the first things he said to Dennis was, "Please give your wife a hug of thanks. She was a godsend when we were going through this." 


           Words, acts of kindness, good deeds.....you just never know how big such small gestures mean to someone else. Sometimes you may do something out of the kindness of your heart and immediately you are thanked. Other times you do it and it comes back to you years later of how grateful someone was. It may be that in your life on earth you will never get reassurance of how your act of kindness affected someone but that shouldn't matter. You need to know your Father in heaven sees. Our goal should be to step out and do. Don't miss out on an opportunity to make a difference in someone else's life.  Send that card, make that dinner for someone, buy those groceries for someone in need or visit an acquaintance who received some disturbing news.  It really, REALLY makes a difference in someone's life. 


 


 

In the Homestretch

Here it is, I am in the homestretch! 

 I had three follow up appointments this past month that relate to my breast cancer which had been diagnosed back in May of 2009.  I saw my breast cancer surgeon, had my mammogram, and had an oncologist appointment. 

       
Quick recap:  May '09' I had my very first mammogram which came back questionable.  Second mammo resulted in a biopsy, biopsy resulted in probable diagnosis of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ.)  This led to an invitation to research three different surgeons who would most likely be performing surgery on me.   Den and I quickly, through prayer and process of elimination, picked a surgeon.  We visited this surgeon and she confirmed DCIS, gave us our options (I say 'our' because this wasn't just going to affect me.  It would affect Dennis as well.)  Xrays and MRI results came back and although DCIS isn't an aggressive cancer (it's basically a contained cancer to where a lumpectomy or mastectomy would probably get rid of it) we decided on mastectomy.  We met with the plastic surgeon who would create a new breast for me and upgrade the other.  Unfortunately this appointment was on the Saturday my son pitched his last game as a senior in HS.  I still feel bad about missing that.   (I inserted this fact here because I failed to mention it in my original blog.)  A couple days later my surgery was schedule for Tuesday, June 9.  Crazily, all these events took place within a month. On June 9, 2009, all the cancer had been removed along with my entire left breast and a few lymph nodes.  Praise God no cancer had gotten through the lymph nodes so in essence, cancer free!  It sounds like such a sweet ending to an eventful month, (see entire chapter in detail here http://www.teresa-solodon.blogspot.com/2009/10/chapter-of-teresas-story.html) but life isn't always that easy. 
  
      To look back now and see how far I've come can only be a testament to God.  Den and I tried to keep the best possible attitude through the months/years that followed.  There were indeed times I just cried.  I was torn about the emotions I felt.  I lost a breast and can visually remember the moment Dennis and I were home from the surgery and I was about to remove the bandage to see for the first time what was left behind.  I remember looking in the mirror, nervous, as we pulled the bandage away and said, after taking a big breath, "Okay.  It doesn't look that bad."  My plastic surgeon had already inserted an expander, a balloon type pouch injected with fluid which would, through the next 4 months, help stretch my skin and muscle.  Fluid would be added monthly to stretch it some more.  Eventually the expander would be removed to make a home to my new breast.  I already had some fluid in this expander when I came home so it just looked like a little boob.  All I could do was stare for a few moments.  I had monthly appointments and saw the oncologist every few months.  No big deal but at the same time, a big deal.  Cancer is gone but here I am, months later still dealing with the residual of what that first mammogram found.  I was lopsided for a time leading up to my reconstruction surgery but trying to keep that positive attitude going, we still took our beach vacation and I was still determined to sport my bikini, lopsidedness and all.  Later that year I had the reconstruction surgery.  I still had

restrictions, still needed two more simple procedures, nipple reconstruction and an appointment to get my first tattoo, an aerola.  (Yes, that is how they make it.)  If I remember correctly, my procedures weren't all completed until almost a year after my mastectomy.

   I was thrilled when I could finally begin to work out again!  My mastectomy immediately took away the cancer but it also took away a good year of my life of doing what I thoroughly missed which was working out daily.  Yes, a small price to pay but such a nuisance in my mind.  Again, emotions running wild.  Being grateful cancer didn't exist anymore yet irritated it took something important away from me.  As whacked as it sounds, I really did have the best possible breast cancer one could get.  As my surgeon told me, it is the least aggressive with a very aggressive treatment. 

Time went by, I got stronger. 
       My workouts got more intense. 
              Our eating habits changed to a cleaner diet.
                      I preached "Mammograms, ladies."
                            I did a breast cancer walk.
                                   I bought pink ribbon clothing and jewelry.
                                            I prayed for friends and family who would also be diagnosed with breast cancer after me and so on.  I see music videos or hear stories about breast cancer fighters and survivors and still to this day get emotional and cry.  I write this and cry.  Mixed emotions because I have family and friends and acquaintances who had to experience chemo, radiation and even loss of life due to breast cancer.  I ponder on these women and begin to look at my situation and think that what I went through is NOTHING compared to what they have had to endure.  Emotions.  God gave them to us.  I still at times do this comparing but then I will remember a comment I read on someone's FB post that read something like this, "We can't compare our trials and hardships we endure to someone else's."  My journey is my journey.  Yours is yours.  God has a plan for all of us.  My circumstances may seem so inconceivable for someone else to handle as well as I may look at someone else's life and think, "There's no way I could ever handle what she has to handle."  I am still a work in progress when it comes to this way of thinking but I am so thankful I am learning that no matter the issue, big or small, God cares and WANTS me to come to Him to ask for help to guide me.  Those few years were definitely a learning experience based on a whole new level.  I am grateful to have experienced every one of them.

      It is January of 2014.  In five months it will be five years since my mastectomy.  I will be able to stop taking the preventative meds that give me hot flashes, joint pain, bad hair, etc.  Per my oncologist last week, I will NOT have to see her anymore after this July as long as I am seeing my breast cancer surgeon once a year.  My mammograms are now just regular yearly screening mammograms, which by the way my most recent results from last week's mammo came back normal!  I await my blood work still but anticipate nothing but good results.  I will see my plastic surgeon later this year for the first time in about three years.  I don't anticipate anything iffy to happen there (he does excellent work by the way.) 

All in all my family and I are doing great!  I love them more than ever and I love the path God has been leading us down.  Breast cancer was just a smidgen of my, our story but it has shaped us a thousand fold for the better.  

        

A House Divided?

     If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. (Mark 3:25.)  We need a leader who is going to work diligently to UNITE this country.  I don't believe our sitting President has done a good job of this yet (I say yet because I'm an optimist.)  If he had, I think he would've won by a LOT more than what he did.  But to be fair, even if Romney would have won this election, how sure are we that he would have done any better at uniting America?  If you're a Christian, the best thing you/I can do for America to help make it better is fervently pray for our current leader and our other government officials who were elected to work for ALL the American people.  Start praying NOW for the right person to be elected in 2016.  

I think the next best thing everyone can do to help make America better is be aware of and look for opportunities in your own little world.  When you see someone in need of help, HELP THEM whether it's making them a meal or raking their leaves. We don't need to rely on the government for all our needs.  If you get a bonus at work, save some but spend some too. It's okay to spend money and get the economy going just watch your budget.

Also, if only THIS would happen....RESPECT one another.  There is a reason one believes this or the other believes that.  Don't be so pigheaded that you can't even try to understand the one who has opposing views.

     Lastly, remember God's timing is perfect.  He is still King.  He is still the only One who sees everything.  If you really want a better life, learn to trust HIM first and all else will seem like it doesn't matter as much.  Your worries won't be worries because you know God's got it. 
  

The Timing of "The Talk"

Matthew at 6 years old

When do you have "the talk" with your child?  I feel as if I'm being forced to introduce something to Matthew earlier than necessary.  Why?  Because even though I can opt out of having Matthew participate in the human sexuality class that will be taught during school, the majority, if not all of his friends and classmates will be participating.  Hence, conversations with some of Matt's more vocal friends where Matt will be present may take place which then forces our hands to go ahead and have that conversation with Matthew.

Granted, this program is a faith based program.  I opted to preview the material ahead of time before deciding whether or not to give Matt permission to participate.  The program presents the information from a Christian view point so I am very pleased with that.  The chapters prior to the sexual intercourse section talk about love, relationships and commitment as in marriage.  All good stuff.  I am just so conflicted with the TIMING of this in MY son's life.  Eleven years old and he will be learning what sexual intercourse is.  Okay, so some may say, "Tre, maybe it's you and Dennis who aren't willing to accept the fact your son is growing up and needs to learn about this."  I say, "I am not naive and I KNOW he needs to learn about this and WILL learn about this but I was hoping it would be decided by us, Den and me, when that time would be to introduce this talk.  I have even thought and prayed about whether or not I am the one being unreasonable, that maybe Den and I are over thinking this."  I keep hearing, "You know your child better than anyone else."   Matthew is a young sixth grader.  He is so very innocent compared to some of the other students.  He watches Sponge Bob and plays Mario Kart and still builds his Legos sets.  He sleeps with a stuffed dog named Patch.  He doesn't desire a cell phone or iPod.  Trust me, I have asked him if he wants these things and he always says, "Naaahhh."  He does have a flip cell phone only because we don't have a house phone anymore but it is otherwise always turned off just because he has no interest in it.  I realize none of this stuff is as important as learning about the human body and how life is created, but as Dennis said to me yesterday, "It's a shame.  We just keep introducing stuff to our kids (that they do need to learn about) but it  keeps coming at earlier and earlier ages whether they're ready for it or not."

Matt and me - 1st grade field trip to the zoo

So, I sit here, reminded of the world we live in.  Our children are growing up faster than we did and they need to be prepared for what lies ahead.  (I even asked my son, Chris (almost 21) if he thought his brother was ready for this.  His response?  "I don't think I would have been ready for that talk in the 6th grade!") But, here we are. I may not like the fact Matthew is going to have this talk presented to him earlier than what Den and I would have planned but I am grateful I have a God I can pray to for guidance in this.  The timing for this may not be what I agree with but I know God can prepare all of our hearts to make the timing just right, for, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28   God knows our hearts.  God knows Matthew's heart.  I pray God will honor our commitment to our children by being present in all the talks Matthew will be involved in and that the information is accepted according to how God would have Matthew accept it.  I am going to stop fretting about it and trust that God's got this just as He has taken care of all our other issues, big or small, in our lives.  He is so good!

God Is NEVER Wrong

My mom with Matthew in 2010.

        My mom forwarded this email to me and I just had to share.  I'm not sure of the author or where it originated from but what a great story to ponder.  It is so relevant to what's going on in our little world and in our lives.  The housing market which doesn't allow owners to refinance because they're upside down.  The unemployed who have been searching and applying for job after job.  The barren woman who desperately cries out, "Why can I not conceive, Lord?"  The parent of a wayward child.  The one who is fighting disease.  The one whose spouse or child is fighting disease.  We all have our cross to carry for a reason.  God knows why.  He sees beyond what we ever could.  Trust Him because He is never wrong.

GOD IS NEVER WRONG!!   A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who, in all circumstances, said: My king, do not be discouraged, because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes!    One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked the king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent his majesty from losing a finger.    Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the nobleman said "Is God good? If He was good, I would not have been attacked and lost my finger."    The slave replied only "My king, despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good, and He knows the "why" of all these things. What God does is perfect. He is never wrong!"    Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.    Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who made human sacrifices. In the altar, ready to sacrifice the noble, a savage had found that the victim had not one of his fingers,and the king was released. According to them: he was not complete so he couldn't be offered to the gods.  Upon his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his slave that he received very affectionately.    - My dear, God was really good for me! I was almost killed by the wild men, but for lack of a single finger, I was let go! But I have a question: If God is so good, why did he allow me to put you in jail?   My King, if I had gone with you in this hunt, I 'would have been sacrificed for you, because I have no missing finger.  Therefore, remember: everything God does is perfect. It is never wrong!  Often we complain about life and things that happen to us apparently negative,  forgetting that nothing is random and that everything has a purpose.    Every morning, offer your day to God.  Ask God to inspire your thoughts, guide  your actions, to ease your feelings. And do not be afraid. God is never wrong!   You know why this message is for you? I do not know, but God knows, because He never makes mistakes.  The path of God and His Word is perfect, without impurities. IT is the way of all those who trust in Him, as He says in Samuel  22: 31.    Surely the message arrived at the right moment. May God put in your heart the desire to send it to someone. Do not be ashamed to send it to the right person .  God knows, He knows why.   God is never wrong!            

     This is so relevant to the title of my blog, God's Timing is Perfect.  We can't see beyond the moment we are in, but God does.  We imagine and plan out the way we THINK things should go.  Planning is good but circumstances can change in a heartbeat.  Our natural tendency is to complain and get angry when bad things happen to us or when OUR plan gets interrupted, just like the king did in this story.  We get angry with God because life isn't going our way.  We then unfairly take it out on other people, usually the ones closest to us. Never mind all the good things in your life.  For some reason we get amnesia when it comes to the things we should be grateful for. 

     I think we have a couple choices: 1. We can go on doing life OUR way, getting agitated day after day with the fact that the role we've taken on (playing God) just isn't working out.  Or, 2. We can change our thinking and give our lives to God.  We can still have a plan but pray first and line our plan up with God's plan.  If you're truly believing when you pray that you want God's will and not your own, then these little hiccups that interrupt your plan won't be that much of a surprise because you know God's got it (and He's never wrong.)

Fact is, we will still get it wrong from time to time even when we've lined ourselves up with God.  We will react like the king did in this story, get angry, complain and take it out on a loved one not trying to see the positive anywhere.  We are only human.  The question is, after you've cooled off, will you look for the lesson?  Will you look back and say, "OH!  I GET IT NOW!  If not for that happening then this would have happened", (usually something much worse)? And once you've seen the lesson, will you learn from it and make amends like the king did?  He immediately released his slave from prison.  Each experience, hiccup in your life can be used as a stepping stool for your faith to grow stronger and stronger but you must first let go and ALLOW God to map things out for you because as always, His ways and His timing are always perfect. Trust Him even in what you consider to be your darkest hours.

The Time is Now

     What is it that prevents you from doing some sort of exercise on a regular basis?  Is it lack of time?  Sorry, that can never be your excuse because if you're reading this right now, it means you could be using this FB time to do a small workout.  Could your excuse be you don't have the money to join a fitness club or to buy any equipment or dumbbell weights?  Sorry, that can't be an excuse either.  Using your own body weight at home to do push ups, squats, lunges, calf raises, sit ups or crunches is all you need to get yourself started for strength training.  For cardio, you don't need fancy equipment like treadmills, stairmasters or ellipticals.  If you have two working legs and two working feet and a pair of tennis shoes then a short run or walk is all it takes to get things started.  Find a track where bleachers are present and use them as your stairmaster.  Heck, you most likely have stairs at home.  Set a timer and go up and down them a few times.  Prolong the time each time you do this.  You say you would love to take a Zumba class or other type of cardio class but can't because you have small children which prevents you from going out? 

Matt and me playing Just Dance 3 on the Wii

Many gaming systems have Zumba, Dancing, and other exercise type games that can be swapped out for those video games that keep you seated on your butt.  This way you will be killing two birds with one stone: spending quality, fun time with your children and exercising at the same time.  What an example for your kids.  And trust me, you will be sweating and burning calories!

 You say, "But it's hard to do a pushup."  Or, "I really do not like to run!"  Or even,"I have back and neck issues and sit ups wreak havoc in those areas of my body!"  Again, those aren't good excuses to not start some sort of work out regimen. Baby steps and modifying are the key.  Start with wall pushups and you will gradually go down to the floor and do a few pushups while on your knees.  After my breast cancer surgeries, I couldn't do any type of exercises  that would affect my chest muscles so when I finally was able to start incorporating strength training to my upper body again, I had to start all over again by doing wall pushups.  I still hate pushups and I can't do many the proper way but it will come just like it WILL come for you!  As for running?  Not everyone likes to run, so then WALK!  It's great exercise and gentle on your joints.  There are many 5K walks you can participate in for a small fee.  But if you're one who wants to try your hand at running but don't know where to begin, there's this thing called GOOGLE, you may have heard of it, where you can search for a plan to help you train for a specific goal.  Ab work doesn't have to be all sit ups.  Standing ab crunches work pretty darn good as well as bending side to side at the waist for a few reps.

Race for the Cure w/Matt and my mom

You say, "But there's no way I will look like a supermodel", (or in a man's case, a sexy underwear model.)  That shouldn't be your goal.  Your goal should be you want to be HEALTHY.  Your thinking should be you want to start treating this body God gave you with the care it deserves.  Everything else eventually falls, or rather, LIFTS into place.   Obviously eating habits must begin to change as well, but it CAN be done.  Expectations should be high but reasonable.  Doing a few squats or taking one 20 minute walk and expecting to see results right away is not reasonable. It is a lifestyle change

one must decide to make and then stick with. Starting out is always the hardest but determination will get you through.  Make the choice to invest in yourself.  The time is now.

A Birthday Blog for an Unbelievable Man

He watches chick flicks with me.  He rubs my feet.  He works so hard to earn a living for us so that I don't have to work outside the home.  When things get tight  and I even mention a thought of maybe I should pull my weight a little in the financial department by getting a job, he ups his game and voila is earning that extra bonus at work.  Delivering phone books years ago as a family brought in extra income.  Looking for ways to cut back and reassuring me he's got this has always been his MO.  He takes his job as the head of the household seriously. He truly appreciates having me home taking care of the kids and the house and of course, him.  It's partly a pride thing on his part (having me stay home) because he feels HE should provide for us but he also knows I really am in my dream job. 

As a father, he absolutely takes pride and joy in his two sons.  He would do anything for either one of them.  He has coached Chris since the t-ball years all the way into high school baseball.  He has coached his basketball teams all through middle school and has been doing the same with Matt.  If ever Dennis had to miss one of his boys' games, it was because he was out of town.  I think I can count on one hand the amount of games Dennis has missed.  Being able to coach is a gift from God.  Not only does Dennis love to coach his own boys, he takes pride in coaching the team as a whole.  He coaches as if they were his own sons. As much as he loves to win, more joy comes from the fact when he can TEACH the boys.  He is a fair coach.  He disciplines when needed yet knows how to have fun.  It amazes me at what he can do out on the baseball field and a basketball court.

He's an all or nothing kind of guy which for the most part, works for him. When he puts his mind to something, he succeeds.  Failure is not an option for him.  His determination never ceases to amaze me.  He always wants to improve.  For instance, not only did he beat his last year's marathon time but he crushed it and even broke his 4 hour goal!  He's physically fit.  He's mentally fit.  He may not always seem it but he's very compassionate.  He's funny.  He's comical.  He can relieve tension in any situation.  He can get a room laughing like crazy.  He loves God and isn't afraid to tell you that you need to ask God into your life too.  He's persistent when something is important to him.  He's passionate about what he believes in.  He can fix a toilet and roof a house.  He's dug up a swimming pool IN THE RAIN that he found on Craigslist which saved us a ton of money.  When he wanted to give up digging it out, I knew he actually wouldn't because that's who he is.  He has the same love for beach vacations as I do and is like a little kid once we actually get there.  He drives me crazy when all he wants to do is play in the sand and water KNOWING the grocery shopping needs to get done, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

He's conquered anxiety for the most part.  It's not to say he never has an issue creep up on him but his determination in not letting anxiety win has been proven over and over since he hasn't taken anxiety meds in YEARS!  He held it together through my breast cancer scare and then some!  He had to still coach AND plan Chris' graduation party when we went through that.  He had to cook the meals and take care of me and laundry and the boys and still do his job.  He is my superman!

He is a dreamer but also a realist.  He jumps at opportunities.....sometimes before thinking and wonders what the heck he got himself into but then it becomes a challenge he believes he will conquer (and usually does.)  In these cases I call him my Peter (the apostle who jumped out of the boat before thinking about what he was doing.)  He supports me 99.9% of the time.  He's a praying man.  Like I said, he loves God.

He would do anything for me and I know it.  If I didn't know it was wrong to put someone on a pedestal, that's where I'd have him.  God says til death do us part.  I hear heaven is the most amazing place ever.  A place we can't even imagine being as unfathomable as we're told it is.  But in my mind, right now, heaven won't be heaven without being able to be with Dennis and I truly hope God will allow me to still have Dennis with me somehow, someway when that day comes (a long, long time from now.)

I'm so grateful for God's timing.  Had I not met Dennis in high school, someone else would have snatched him up and I would have had to settle for someone else.  Thank you God for this man.

Happy Birthday, Den!