I'm a Christian and I Could Have, SHOULD Have Done More but Didn't. Why? And What Now?

 ~ I can't even tell you how many times the EMS came. It was definitely more than a handful of times. I am thinking it was maybe two plus handfuls if not more and most times he was taken away. But he would always come back. That is, until he didn't. ~

A true story. A sad story that perhaps I could have helped make less sad. I am feeling heartbroken and sad myself I did not step up and do more.... 

How it started:

Back in the month of May 2012 (the time of this writing is March 2025), we moved into our new house. A beautiful house on a beautiful street in a beautiful and quiet neighborhood. Yes, beautiful, but unfamiliar. We left a house we had made into our home which we lived in for over 20 years. We met some incredible people who are now our forever friends. The neighbors there helped each other out and we were all pretty familiar with one another. We had hoped for the same in our new neighborhood. 

Move in day

Move in day was here and immediately we were met with a somewhat disgruntled neighbor who lived across the street. He did not like the fact that one of our moving helpers parked in front of his house and this neighbor wasn't afraid to tell us his feelings about it and wanted us to move the car. "Well, hello there. Welcome to the neighborhood new neighbors." Mental eye roll. Okay no biggie. We thought, "Let's see how this plays out and maybe we will bake him cookies one day." He never really warmed up to us even though we tried with the waves and the hellos but my understanding is he wasn't all that warm to anyone really and eventually he moved his family elsewhere. 

Another neighbor, next door, a single older man was not talkative on move in day. I think he just wanted us to get settled in before letting us know at least one expectation he had of us. (There would be more.) There were these hedges that lined our and his fence. The hedges were planted on our side which of course would be maintained by us but anyone familiar with hedges knows how they can grow out of control on both sides of the line. This man made sure we knew the previous owners ALWAYS took care of the hedges on both sides of the fence. He made sure we knew he had a heart condition and basically was telling us he expected us to tend to the unruly hedges on his side of the fence too. Again "Hello, and welcome to the neighborhood new neighbor." (The rest of this story references this particular neighbor.)

How it went:

Life in our new home was good. We got settled, we did the home improvement thing and just tried to be friendly neighbors and not cause any ruckus. We kind of kept to ourselves mostly due to the initial greeting we received. Summer and fall came and went. The hedges were tended to; on both sides of the fence.

Winter arrived

Our first winter in our new home came upon us. The snow fell. It was a shovel-able snow. Dennis remembered our neighbor's heart condition so he decided to shovel the sidewalk in front of our neighbor's house. It's what we would do even if a heart condition didn't exist. Well, the neighbor came out and told Dennis to please stop shoveling the snow on his walkway. Dennis kindly told our neighbor that he really did not mind shoveling for him. The neighbor adamantly told Dennis, "Please stop. You do not need to shovel my snow." Alrighty then....trim hedges, do not shovel snow. Got it!

Spring and Summer Arrived

Spring and Summer came again. Warmer temps meant opened windows, being outside and more grilling was to be had. Light 'er up and grill some steaks, burgers, chicken and more. But apparently we did something wrong. Our neighbor caught me during one of my comings or goings and said something to me about an ordinance and grills and proceeded to hand me a piece of paper. He mentioned our grill was too close to the fence and told me the paper he handed me was a list of the city ordinances we could read up on. Now, first off, I do not know why he came to me and not Dennis but that's okay. I dealt with it. I graciously took the paper, apologized and told him I will talk with my husband about moving our grill. Dennis was not happy and was adamant himself that he was NOT moving our grill. I understood the problem and explained to Dennis we needed to move the grill farther away from our neighbor's side of the yard so that the smoke would not filter into our neighbor's house especially when he had his windows open. It was the right thing to do. Dennis reluctantly moved the grill but was not happy about the way our neighbor went about this issue. 

I'm not going to lie, after that incident, I decided I wasn't going outside if I saw him. I do not like confrontation. I would wait until he was back in his house or in his car driving away. So mature of me, I know. It wasn't that he was mean to us, it's the way he went about presenting the issues he had with us to us. It was uncomfortable and we were made to feel like everything we did was being nit picked at and we felt we were being judged. 

We went on living life in this nice neighborhood, me being the best, "well behaved" neighbor I could be to not cause any strife. And it was good. I stopped "hiding" from our neighbor and actually decided to wave to him when I saw him.

How it progressed:

As time went on, I think our single, older male neighbor came to accept us as okay neighbors. He would wave to us more and even vocally say hi to us and ask how we were doing. It wasn't a great relationship like we had with some of our neighbors in our previous neighborhood but it wasn't bad either. We noticed he didn't really associate with too many other people in the neighborhood and where he would drive his black Camaro to on warm summer days is also a mystery. We accepted the fact that we would be cordial neighbors. We looked out for him and his house and I hope he did the same for us. 

Eventually our eldest would move out and our youngest would graduate from high school and start college. Our first grand child would arrive, we did more remodels, put a pool in the back yard, and got a couple of dogs. The neighborhood was still great. We were talking more to other neighbors who lived here for awhile and we came to know newer neighbors who filtered in onto our block.

Fast Forward Some Years

I can't be certain of the exact day and time we first witnessed an ambulance in front of our neighbor's house but it would not be the last. I don't even know what the issue was but our neighbor was taken by ambulance but he would be back. 

I feel like this was the beginning of the tide changing. The hellos and waves we shared with our neighbor started to seem more friendly and welcoming. Like, was that an actual smile our neighbor had on his face when he waved as we walked by his house on our way taking our grandson to karate? The atmosphere was definitely a little different.

The verbal complaints from this man concerning us were no more which was nice. Maybe he kind of likes us now! Then one day as I was in front of our house, he caught me again either in one of my comings or goings or maybe I was taking out the trash, but he walked toward me and my first thought was, "Now what?" But he wanted to ask me a question. He saw a sign we had on our lawn. It was a sign promoting our church services. I am thinking it must have been for our Easter or Christmas service because those were the only times we would have a sign out. He asked me something along the lines if that was the church we go to, what kind of church it was and where it was. Of course I answered his questions and I am hoping I invited him. I really cannot remember the exact conversation but I do remember telling Dennis about it later and thinking that this neighbor of ours has become a tiny bit more personable.

And then out of the blue, another day, another EMS visit. He would go with them. He would come home. He was still healthy enough to take his Camaro out for drives and he would sit in his driveway on nice days. He watered his flowers and would seem to run his own errands. Time would pass and we would hear the dogs bark or one of us would see the lights and see that the ambulance was back again. This was a repeat cycle spaced out over longer periods of time, that is until they weren't.

How it started winding down:

Not knowing this man well enough, we didn't think it was appropriate to pry and barge in on him to ask what was going on. He seemed to be very private and proper. But we were still concerned. We had witnessed our neighbor speaking to a couple different neighbors more frequently now so when we were able to, we would ask those neighbors if they knew how our fellow neighbor was doing. Without going into detail, we found out he was having some health issues that required attention and eventually he would need some in home care.

It's Winter Again

More seasons came and went and like clock work, winter was upon us again. Our neighbor wasn't driving himself like he used to but he was still getting around. He had a caregiver who would come help him out during the day. The snow would come and we bravely decided to shovel his snow with hopes we wouldn't be reprimanded. He would eventually see me and actually thank us for shoveling his snow. I believe he even offered to pay my son to shovel which of course we told him absolutely not because this is what neighbors do for each other. We told him we were there to help in whatever way we could.

We continued to keep an ear and eye out for our neighbor. With the caregiver not being there 24/7 and him living by himself we felt it was the right thing to do. Things began to decline for him and one day as Dennis was outside getting ready to go for a run he heard some yelling coming from within our neighbor's house. Apparently our neighbor must have fallen and he was yelling for help. It wasn't time for his caregiver to be there yet and the neighbors who had been in the know of what was happening with his health gathered by the house not knowing what to do. At this point I believe someone called 911 because no one had a key to the home except the caregiver. The ambulance came but so did the caregiver. I don't know if our neighbor went with the EMTs this time around but that was a sign that someone else needed a key and the phone number for the caregiver.

The time frame of our neighbor's decline in health happened over a good amount of time and it eventually started to haunt me that Dennis and I weren't doing more for this man. We are Jesus loving people, (so we proclaimed), why aren't we reaching out more to ask what we could do?

Valentine's Day

Dennis and I had something going on at the church on one Valentine's Day, small group or something, and I had been convicted prior in the day to get this neighbor of ours a stuffed animal and a card for Valentine's Day. "Lord, are you sure?" "This man never really tried to get to know us. Are you really sure?" So I dragged my feet into Walmart and found a cute stuffed dog and a generic card, threw it in a gift bag and told Dennis we need to leave a few minutes early so I can give this to our neighbor. I just kept thinking to myself that he is going to think this is the dumbest thing ever. But I knocked on the door and his caregiver answered or maybe it was his daughter who was visiting from out of state. I can't remember the details right now. I don't think our neighbor was available at the moment so I gave it to the one who answered the door and she would give it to the patient. Whew! That was close. The buffer was nice because I didn't have to feel dumber than what I already was feeling by having to personally deliver this. (Yes, I know how silly it sounds now about how I felt. How awful to feel silly about a nice gesture. I am ashamed.)

After this last episode on Valentine's Day of feeling awkward about doing something randomly nice for our neighbor, two more opportunities arose where I decided to push past my own feelings of doubt and follow through with my convictions no matter how uncomfortable I felt. The first opportunity came when once again the ambulance had to make another run. As the ambulance sat in front of the house every part of me was telling me I needed to go next door and talk to our neighbor and pray with him. Again, "Lord, really?"  But I watched and waited and when I saw our neighbor being wheeled away on the gurney I walked over both our lawns, looked at the EMT's and told them I was the neighbor. I don't recall exactly what I said but I was brief, I know that. I smiled and asked something such as, "Are you okay? And I think I might have told him to stay strong or you got this. And instead of praying WITH him like I know I should have, I told him that Dennis and I would be praying for him. I don't know where this man stood in regard to God but he seemed genuinely grateful when he said thank you with a smile.

Thanksgiving

I believe at this point he might have had 24 hour live in care. We were hosting our own Thanksgiving celebration for family and I didn't even have to convince Dennis we needed to take a plate of food next door before everyone arrived. Dennis actually already knew I would probably be doing that. We both walked the food over this time and we were invited into the house. Our neighbor's medical bed was set up in the living room. The caregiver opened the door. Our neighbor literally sat up straighter and was smiling. Smiling, you guys! He was SO appreciative. He started thanking us and graciously telling us to come on in and sit. We were already cutting it close with getting everything ready for our own celebration....I want to cry as I'm typing this because this would be the last real tangible gesture we (I) followed through on. 

We should have stayed. Even if only an extra five minutes. It wasn't about the food he was happy about. It was so much more. The gesture. The thoughtfulness. The kindness of taking time from our own family to pop in and see him.

How it ended:

It would still be some time before that last ambulance visit. From what I gathered after talking with his caregiver, this man was a stubborn, stubborn hard man. He would always fight her and the EMTs about getting in that ambulance. He wanted to be home. He would always come back home. 

Dennis and I walk a lot in the non cold months. Normally our neighbor's blinds in his big picture window would be closed but lately when we walked by they were open and Dennis and I never wasted an opportunity to look over because when he started waving to us first, we needed to make sure we were ready to wave back or be first, ourselves, to acknowledge him. 

Soon, the blinds wouldn't be opened as much. We saw less and less of our neighbor. Previously we would at least have seen him as he was being driven to a doctor's appointment or something but the fact was he was bedridden now and he wasn't going anywhere unless it was in an ambulance.

I would always know when our neighbor was home because if the caregiver's car was there, he was there. That was always a relief. More often than not, the hospital stays were only a few short days and many times he was home within a day.

~ I can't even tell you how many times the EMS came. It was definitely more than a handful of times. I am thinking it was maybe two plus handfuls if not more and most times he was taken away. But he would always come back. That is, until he didn't. ~

February 26, 2025

For the purpose of this story, I rewound my ring doorbell footage. The date you see above would be another ambulance visit to our neighbor's house. The ambulance sat there longer than normal. My thoughts were he was arguing again and giving the caregiver a hard time about going.  

He went.

One, two, three or more days went by. I didn't see much activity. I saw the care giver's car periodically but it wasn't parked for long periods of time or overnight which led me to believe he was still in the hospital and the care giver was coming to get clothes and other necessities our neighbor needed and wanted.

Another day or two passed and we noticed in our neighbor's driveway was an SUV. Plates from out of state. We knew the car. The car had been here a few times in the past. The car belonged to our neighbor's daughter. Was she here coincidentally because she hadn't been here in awhile? I was trying to think positive but at the same time I feared the opposite. He wasn't coming back, was he? 

I was out and about shortly after this and my son told me that while I was gone he witnessed a medical truck hauling away equipment and other items.  I don't think he is coming back.

Still hoping for the best I thought maybe he is in a facility where he will be getting even better care but I feared it was only hopeful thinking.  He wasn't coming back.

He wasn't coming back:

A few days ago I saw filled, large black plastic bags sitting on our neighbor's porch. But wait, could it still be he was just elsewhere? I finally walked over and talked with our neighbor's daughter. We had talked briefly when she was here for previous visits so we were at least familiar with each other. I told her, almost in question form, "The fact that you are here must not mean good news." And that is when she told me he died the previous Wednesday which I believe would have been March 5.  I gave her my condolences and asked her if she needed help with anything. She was grateful for the sentiment and thankful for the offer but she had it handled for the moment. 

Feb 26 was the last ambulance visit. And now I am scolding myself, "Why didn't we (I) do more for our neighbor? 

Why didn't I do more?:

Why am I giving this neighbor of ours we barely knew the attention and the time that it is taking me to write this? Because I should have done more when he was alive. You see, this man basically died alone. Sure, he had his caregiver(s). He had his daughter who visited once in awhile. The interesting thing about their relationship is that our neighbor would have been 80 this year yet he and his daughter reconnected only six years ago. Why? Did he have any friends or other family? Where are they? I have not seen anyone come to mourn. There is no funeral. Heck, as of this writing I can't even find an obituary. Was he a man who wasn't easy to be around? Did he burn bridges? Did he push people away?  Where was this man's village, his community? What is his story? If only I did more to find out.

Conviction is Hard

In a time of heavy division in our country right now, friends beating each other up over political beliefs no matter what side they are on, I am constantly posting and reminding on my own social media platform that it starts with us. That we can make the biggest difference in the people's lives right in our own backyard, our own families and communities. I am pretty passionate about that. 

I am here to confess I absolutely failed with what I preached. For nearly 13 years I had an opportunity to be someone to someone in my own neighborhood and I didn't do it. It would be very easy to justify why I didn't. It would be easy to let me off the hook by looking back at what kind of person he was toward us when we first moved in and what kind of person he must have been for no one to be here to mourn the loss of him. But I can't be let off the hook that easily. What if all those times I was convicted to do more for our neighbor could have led him to soften up more. He obviously had possessions and the means to have 24 hour live in care but what is any of that without community and love? Maybe spending a few minutes listening to him would have opened up a line of communication where he could tell his story. Maybe just sending a simple card once a month, bring over a dessert, knocking on his door with Thanksgiving dinner and actually staying longer than 60 seconds....

I'll be honest, through the years I was convicted to do more than buy a Valentines gift, say a prayer on a gurney and give a Thanksgiving plate but it was 'just too hard'.

Failure and Second Chances

I missed opportunities to talk to him about his family, his friends, God, about Jesus, about my faith. I failed. The convictions I thought were hard suddenly are foolishness. Now is what is hard. I now look at his house from our workout room and remember everything I did not do that I know I should have done. 

Some might say I am beating myself up and that he didn't deserve someone to try to be a light. Sure he did. He deserved another chance just like you, just like me. Why didn't we (I) give him a chance like God gives us?

How many times do we or have we kept God at an arm's distance, built a wall, didn't trust, and even told God what OUR expectations are of Him just like our neighbor did to us and most likely how our neighbor probably did to many others. What if when our hearts begin to soften toward God, He decides it is too late; that God will say, "Sorry. I was here for you all along but you pushed Me away and you don't deserve a second chance."  God does not do that and if He is willing to give me, and you and even our neighbor chance after chance, who are we to not do the same for others. 

You might be wondering/asking, "But why are you taking this so personal, Teresa?" I'm glad you asked. You notice I am talking mostly about myself who didn't do for our neighbor as I should have and not beating up Dennis about it. Here's the thing, yes, we are both Christians and both called to be doers but that does not mean my convictions to do something for someone will be the same for perhaps my husband. Dennis would have been totally fine with me doing more even if it wasn't weighing heavily on his own heart to do something. He himself will find he knows he should be doing something for someone else and that conviction falls more heavily on his heart than it will on mine but I support him. 

Where to go from here:

What happens now? I guess for me it means to forgive myself and ask God to forgive me for not listening to God's prompts to do more. I had nearly 13 years to try to do more for our neighbor. It means I have another chance to get it right in the future when I hear that voice, "Teresa, someone needs you to do _____" (God fills in the blank.) It means when my husband feels the urge to do something out of the ordinary for someone I am to encourage him so that he won't have to deal with the "hard" that I am dealing with now. 

I do hope and pray that someone in our neighbor's life took the opportunity that I dismissed to talk to him about Jesus. Instead of dwelling I need to use this as a reminder to not dismiss if another opportunity is given to me again.  I have to stop looking at our neighbor's house and beating my self up but rather use it as a reminder to be in tune to what God is asking me/telling me to do for someone else in the future. 

Wrapping it up:

I really didn't know how to wrap this all up until just right now. Earlier I mentioned I didn't know why the neighbor would mostly approach me about issues and not Dennis but after re-reading my story over a dozen times and remembering a few more incidences not written here, I get it. I get it now. God made me approachable for the unapproachable. Our neighbor wasn't an easy person to even want to try to get to know. But I was there, approachable. I may have been annoyed but I missed then what I now see. The hardest people to reach do send signals. They are subtle but they are there. 

My advice then: to the Christian, don't let your guard down. Listen and act on those prompts/convictions from the Holy Spirit. You think it's hard to act on a prompt? It's a much worse feeling when you don't act on those convictions and then it's too late. Look for the signals from the most difficult ones. They are searching and NEED you to be patient. 

To the non-christian: Realize a person who follows Jesus is an imperfect person still trying to get it together. We don't always get it right. We down right fail sometimes. You may call it hypocrisy when we don't practice what we preach, and sometimes it is, but many times it's our humanness peeking through. A person who puts their pride aside to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior doesn't become this perfect being who does everything for everyone just because they are now a Christian. No, no, no. We still need guidance, and grace and mercy just like you. The difference is we know where to turn. We look up. When we realize we messed up, we stop, ask for forgiveness, repent and then we get a do over because of what Jesus did on the cross. You can have that too but you just have to say yes to Him. Don't allow the people who call themselves Christians who you think don't have it together to hinder you starting a relationship with God. We are all imperfect needing that perfect Savior. Salvation is waiting for you. Whenever you are ready, ask me how. Or just say the simple prayer now: "Lord I am a sinner. I have lived for myself. But no more. I am sorry. I repent and ask you to forgive me. I come to You now and ask You to take control of my life. Help me to live everyday in a way that pleases you. I love you and thank you that I will spend all eternity with you. Amen." Let me know if you prayed this.

And if you stuck with me and read this all the way through, thank you. 

Red Lipstick and Trash Spawned an A-Ha Moment

Has something very random and/or odd ever spawned an a-ha moment for you?

            For me I will never look at lipstick and trash the same.

Recently, my sister found this cute little vanity play set at a yard sale for Octavia. Of course Nana Tre Tre just had to fill it with some vanity items to make it more fun.  Amazon prime days to the rescue! Two days later I was filling up her little vanity drawer with fake eyeshadows, blush, mascara, make up brushes and of course lipstick.  After Octavia checked each item out, I could see that the lipstick was favored by her more than all the other items in the set.  Whenever she came over she would rummage through all the makeup and pull out the lipstick. She would then proceed to apply lipstick to herself, to her mom before mom left, on papa when papa came home and even on the dogs. The whole lot of make up brought her happiness but there was just something about the lipstick that resonated with her and made her happy even if it was the act of just pulling the top off and putting it back on.... top off, top on, top off.....

Let's fast forward to a recent Saturday when Papa Dennis was in charge 0f watching both X and O (Xander and Octavia) for an hour or two by himself until I got home. He did a great job of holding down the fort. Me being me, needing (wanting) a little organization, (I own it), when I got home I picked up some of the toys lying around on the floor. I noticed as I put Octavia's make up away that her lipstick was missing. I found the top but the lipstick part was nowhere to be found. I mentioned it to Dennis and his reaction was similar to mine with an, "Oh no!" She loves that lipstick! She was putting it on me over and over again!" We didn't fret much because we knew it had to be in the house somewhere.

We went on with our day with the kids (it was a sleep over night) and in between us taking turns keeping an eye on them both while the other one did a task of some sort, we were both constantly on the hunt of finding this dang lipstick. I looked in the toy bins, I looked under couches, I looked under pillows, I looked in cupboards, I looked in the dog cage. Nothing.  At one point Dennis saw me looking and told me he had already looked in all those places too! He even searched the trash because Octavia has been known to throw many things into the trash lately.

The day turned into nighttime and we hadn't found the lipstick. It didn't phase Octavia (that we know of) but nana and papa knew how much joy it brought her and were determined to either find it or buy her a new one but we would wait until the next day after the kids went home so we could do a thorough search while cleaning.

The next day after we got home with X and O from church, they ate and played a little and baby O went down for a nap. THIS was my opportunity to FIND THAT LIPSTICK! I searched AGAIN in all the same spots we previous looked and in addition I even pulled off all the couch cushions this time but still no success of finding lipstick. So I decided I was going to delve into the trash that papa said he already looked in. Plastic gloves on and digging I went!

As I was digging through coffee grounds and slimy egg shells and other gross stuff I didn't even know we had thrown away, I just started praying. I prayed things like, "Lord, I know this is just pretend lipstick and it's really not all that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it brought Octavia so much joy!" I also prayed something like, "Please, if it's in here, let me find it before we throw this bag to the curb." But then all of a sudden I had my A-HA moment..... 

"Oh my gosh! This is what God does for me on the daily!!!!" He is always working behind the scenes on my behalf!! 

Here I am working behind the scenes, digging through trash for my granddaughter for something that brings her joy and it's because of the love I have for her. And I realized, my love for my kids and grandkids is just a smidgen of how much love God has for me!

My a-ha moment had me digging more fervently. And then I started THANKING God for all the times He has worked and is working behind the scenes on MY behalf. 

Octavia had no clue that nana and papa were so desperately looking for that little tube of red lipstick. And you may not know it, or may have forgotten, or even have taken it for granted, but I am here to remind you, God is working behind the scenes on your behalf too always. 

I did not find the lipstick in the trash.  

Shortly after my a-ha moment, Chris came to pick up X and O and I continued to put toys away and decided to look in the toy bins one more time and what was sitting right on top of other toys in one of the bins? Yep. A bright red tube of fake lipstick! Earlier I mentioned we didn't know if Octavia was even phased by the missing lipstick. She's not even 18 months old so her jibber jabber is only understood by her but the moment I said, "Octavia! Look what nana found!" She immediately grabbed it and held onto it for dear life! (Which by the way was a rookie mistake on my part as she did NOT want that lipstick leaving her hands. While strapped in her car seat to go home I had to trade the lipstick for a sucker which satisfied her for the moment.)

Never underestimate HOW God works, WHEN He works and WHAT He works with. We can learn lessons daily with the most odd and random items or events in our lives. We just have to slow down, pray, listen and then thank God for all the work He does whether we see it or not. 

Just like Dennis and I witnessed the joy a little tube of red lipstick brought to Octavia, God sees what brings you joy. Dennis and I were willing to go above and beyond for Octavia and have and would do the same for our kids and Xander.

Remember. God knows what brings you joy!

So the next time you see YOUR "tube of lipstick", I hope, like me, you will be reminded of God's love for you and realize He has been and is doing some mighty digging (work) behind the scenes on your behalf.

 

 

 

Reconstructed - Again

 October 11, 2022

Yesterday, Oct 10 another surgery was conquered. Thanks to a breast cancer diagnosis back in 2009, breast implants and reconstruction were part of my treatment. However, breast implants don't last forever. 

An MRI showed one of my implants had ruptured which meant getting them outta there!

Apparently per my surgeon, surgery went really well. 😊 But keeping it real and not gonna lie, I am feeling the pain. As long as I stay on top of my meds it is manageable for now. Winning!

But in the true Solodon spirit, there are always some tidbits thrown in there that must be laughed at. And since we have been an open book from the beginning of this journey back in "09", we'll just keep it going. 😜

Ladies my age will understand this one. After eight months of her nowhere to be seen, Mother Nature decided to pay me a visit prior to my surgery. 🙄 It's bad enough I have to start the countdown over again but seriously! Now? Right before surgery?!?! Soooooo, because of that I had to take a pregnancy test before they could proceed with the surgery! 😳😂 Of course it was negative.

So, next my surgeon comes in to talk and to make markings on me. Mind you this is a breast reconstruction surgery and my surgeon is a perfectionist and my dear Dennis is in the room too as I am being drawn on. I can't even imagine the thought going on in his head. 😂 The surgeon then asks if I want liposuction done on a certain area on the side of my breast near the area under my armpit. I said, "Sure! Why not?" I always see that extra skin or fat or whatever it is when I wear a swim suit. So liposuction it is!

We're done with the markings and now we talk with the nurse who will be in the OR room with me and she proceeds to tell me since surgery is more than three hours long I will be having a catheter placed in me. And all I could think of was Mother Nature's unwelcome visit. At this point I'm just thanking God I will be asleep through all of this and likely will not see any of these very lovely peeps again.

I say bye to Dennis and get put into lalaland for the duration of two movies worth of time. I think Dennis watched a couple of Mission Impossible movies. To me it felt like a half hour nap. I couldn't believe what time it was when I came out of anesthesia. Thankfully I did not experience any nausea but was groggy, hungry and had a croaky voice due to the tube that was put down my throat. Surgery was successful with the surgeon telling Dennis it was like scooping jello out of my breasts before replacing with Gummi Bear implants.

I finally got to my short stay room. I hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours. Poor Dennis was hungry and tired too but was ready to run out to get me something to eat if needed. It was 6:31 and the hospital kitchen closed at 6:30 but thankfully someone from the kitchen picked up the phone when Dennis called and I was able to get some gourmet stir fry just like you would experience from Mongolian BBQ! Also ordered breakfast for the morning which we will be thankful for the hands that made it for me.

Between having to have my vitals taken every half hour or so and dealing with pain, sleep was intermittent.

I was discharged around 11am the day after surgery. Immediately after walking into the house I received a call from the hospital saying I had left my glasses there. Poor Dennis. You see, I can't drive so off he went to the hospital to retrieve my glasses....half hour drive each way.

Now I sit here watching my third movie. It'll be hard. I don't do well with not being busy. I don't do well with being the one being cared for. But I fall back on what I do know. God has me where He wants me. Whether it is to reel me back in to learn to trust and rely on Him and others again when I can't do it for myself or to teach me some sort of other lesson, I'm here for it.

I had excellent care at the hospital and now am in good hands at home with Dennis who now has to cook, clean, shop and take care of me in ways he isn't used to. But I know he will do great!

Secrets Revealed

 

There are a few secrets you may not know about my Dennis. Until now.....

But first, most who know Dennis realize he is a very committed, dedicated and intense person. He is also energetic, animated (so dramatic 😝), and sensitive. 

He's an all or nothing kind of person, a "let's get it done" kind of person, with a "failure isn't an option" attitude!

He's a planner AND a procrastinator. His plans and dreams are immense, and his blueprints and work space to achieve those dreams are an "organized mess" which can be SO annoying to his wife who is also a planner, but likes "clean" organization. 😝

God gifted Dennis with leadership qualities. He is very successful in pretty much all of his endeavors. He can easily rally those around him in the situation he is in in order to accomplish his goals. He is also very tough on those same people, pushing them probably harder than they like in order to achieve the goals Dennis is reaching for. Most who know Dennis, know all of this to be true.

People who are successful usually don't get to that point or continue to be successful by chance. Even with natural leadership qualities, the behind the scenes grunt work is almost always never seen by others.  

            Hence....some secrets revealed about my dear hubby, Dennis 😲.....

Because he has such big plans and is so committed, dedicated, energetic, and intense with the failure isn't an option attitude, a little of the behind the scenes goes like this:

Coaching: 

    Whether it was try outs, practices, or games, Dennis occupied himself finding ways to be the best coach possible. He would watch you tube videos, read coaching articles, google  different practice skills, talk my ear off (as if I knew anything about coaching the sports he was coaching), and constantly texted and called his assistant coaches to bounce ideas off of them. He was non stop searching for ways to do better not only for his sake but mostly to help his players learn and be better! There were practices where he gloved up to be on the field or laced up his basketball shoes to participate in drills and plays on the court, and even ran with the cross country team and tried to keep up with the fastest runners trying to motivate them. Many times this resulted in him coming home limping some days or have to ice a pulled hamstring. But to him it was all worth it.  

    The day of basketball games Dennis would hand his assistant coach a crumpled piece of paper (his "organized mess".) On that paper was a schedule so to speak. They were the names of the players and at what time of the game that particular player was to be put into the game. Dennis spent a good amount of time the day before mapping out a way to allow a fair amount of time for each and every player to be in the game. He also stressed about finding a way to get as many of his players to score at least one basket or get a hit or to beat his best cross country run time. 

    The emotions he felt as a coach always were heart warming to me. Whether a win or a loss he always dissected what he could have done better as a coach to help his team keep doing what they do well and improve what needed improving. The game or the meet didn't end at the buzzer or the finish line for Dennis. He always took it home and looked for ways to be better as a coach to these kids and this effort NEVER stopped for the duration of that particular season. He treated the position he had as another full time job in spite of not being paid as it being a full time job.

Work:

    I'm not on the scene of Dennis' work environment, but I definitely experience the behind the scenes. 

    Work doesn't stop when Dennis walks in our door. He takes pride in doing the best job possible not just for his boss but for God. He pushes his people to go above and beyond but he also fights for his peeps. I don't think they will ever realize how hard he fights for them. He pushes for bonuses and raises for his people. He prays for those who work for him and really does care for them all. Dennis oversees the operations of 14 McDonalds restaurants. If one of his people are struggling in running operations, yes, Dennis will step in and push and ask that person questions as to why things aren't going as good as they should be and hold that person accountable. 

    What his people do not see is how the wheels in his head turn over and over to figure out a way to help his people be successful again in a situation like the one above. He never wants to see someone fail. He never wants to see a person leave the business. And when these things DO happen, he will step in and counsel to help try to find a way to make things better for all involved.

    The times someone does end up leaving, it hurts Dennis; not because it leaves him to have to fill another position but because Dennis wants to make sure that person truly made the right decision for his/her overall sake. And sometimes, multiple times, the people whom Dennis had to let walk away? They actually came back realizing the grass wasn't greener on the other side. 

    One of Dennis's love languages is receiving gifts. Words of affirmation is also up high on that love language list. For his birthday, his supervisors and managers all chipped in and presented Dennis with a brand new Peloton treadmill. I saw one of the the supervisor's FB post stating, "Today we surprised THE BEST boss ever." His people may not know but this really humbled Dennis. He called me and said he just couldn't believe they did that for him. He came home and was still in disbelief. 

Anyway. I could go on and on but I won't (I did that in another birthday blog post for him.)

I just wanted to share a little of the behind the scenes of a pretty spectacular, successful man. The outer shell of someone doesn't tell the whole story.

Happy Birthday to my hubby October 24, 2021 the day he turned 53!

     

    

    

Perspective

A little tale that came to me this morning, the day after Inauguration Day. 

Back in the day, a long time ago before the internet was invented there were these two young elementary aged girls who became pen pals through a church program. They wrote back and forth a couple of times a month for years and years and eventually became the best of friends. Even though they lived in very different environments, they had so much in common in their likes and dislikes and their belief in God bonded them.

 

Sometime down the road when they were both teen agers they decided they wanted to talk to each other to hear the other’s voice. So, they set up a time for at least twice a month where they would talk on the phone. Another one of the things these two girls had in common was that neither of them had ever traveled outside their immediate area. One of the girls lived in a humble cottage in the mountains with a vast view. The other girl lived in a rather lavish beach house on the Gulf Coast. 

 

The girl who lived on the coast decided to call the girl who lived in the mountains on this one particular evening because she knew she would be witnessing a fabulous sunset and she wanted to share the experience with her friend. Little did the girl who lived on the coast know, her friend who lived in the mountains had the most glorious view of sunsets herself and it just so happened that she would be witnessing a fabulous sunset this same evening. 

 

Something happened this evening that neither of the girls saw coming…..an argument. 

 

As each girl described the sunset they were witnessing, they were both adamant that HER sunset was far more glorious than the other. Neither girl would budge on her stance so they hung up both being angry with the other. Each of the girls could not understand why the other could not/would not believe the other when she said, “My sunset is more glorious.” 

 

(Seems like such a frivolous argument.) 

 

A few days passed. Gulf Coast girl had been praying to the same God her friend believed in and wanted to make it right with her friend. She received a revelation. Of course each girl believed her sunset was “better” than the other because neither one of them had ever seen a sunset other than the one in her own backyard! 

 

So, Gulf Coast girl called her friend who lived in the mountains and explained her revelation that she received and told her friend that she was going to save up some money so she could come visit her at her mountain home to witness “her” sunset and asked if she would do the same so that she could come witness a Gulf Coast sunset. 

 

Perspective.

 

Each of the girls indeed witnessed a glorious sunset and they both truly believed it was the ONLY way to see a sunset until each of them took herself out of her own environment and moved herself into the other’s environment to see something in a way they’ve never thought about before.

 

Did either girl budge on her opinion as to which sunset was “better”?

 

Does it really matter? The fact remains that your perspective leads you to believe the way that you do. The way you were raised, the environment you lived in, the dynamics of your family and so on. Your perspective is your perspective and someone else has a totally different perspective based on factors that were probably different to yours. It doesn’t necessarily make you wrong.

 

Again, did either girl budge on her opinion as to which sunset was “better”? Probably not, but the effort that went into at least trying to see where the other person is coming from can “move mountains”. It can help bring understanding to why another person believes the way she believes. Neither girl was wrong. They both just had a different perspective.

 

Remember this when you disagree with someone and you just don’t understand why that person can’t see things your way or why you can’t see things her way. You both have different perspectives.  

And maybe ask God to help you move out of your own head and space for a moment to try to see where your friend or someone who is on a total different spectrum than you is coming from. It doesn't mean your opinion will change but you are at least willing to budge and try to see it from their point of view. 

 

 

Confession

I have a confession to make:

But first,

Nearly eight years ago, surgeries, procedures and recovery due to mastectomy took away about a year of what my "normal" life looked like. And this was withOUT having to endure chemo and radiation.

Working out, being active, typical household chores and more were put on hold for a time. "Normal" activities such as grocery shopping, car pooling, laundry, cooking, cleaning etc slowly were added back in to my life still without much gusto.  Even modified workouts such as walking and the bike were eventually incorporated back in.

 It was probably a year before I could start working my upper body muscles again. The dreaded push up, although always girly style for me, was a thing of the past. I was so weak but push ups, REAL pushups were my goal.  Pull ups would eventually be thrown in there as a goal but years later.  Needless to say, a wall pushup is where I had to start.

Fast forward 7 years, 9 months:

Doing 20 to 25 pushups in a roll is something I am proud to say I can do now and am working on upping that number. Whenever push ups are required for my workout I still modify when I have to but strive to do all of them without my knees on the ground.  They may not always be pretty but.....

Here's the confession part:  So whenever I have a mammogram appointment, the days leading up to it I get down on the floor and do pushups because I start thinking in the back of my head, "If that mammogram result comes back unfavorable, I may get this taken away from me again!"

Yes, I'm a dork.  Well, not really.  Yes the push up scenario sounds silly but if you think about it, we tend to want things more when we can't have them.  We don't realize just how much something means to us until we don't have it.  It's something I'm still trying to work on as a whole in my life; you know, take in and appreciate everything.  One day I hope to conquer this but I doubt it will ever happen on this side of life.  We are always a work in progress!

DejaVu. Sort Of. Obedience - Yes. Intercessory Prayer - Definitely!

Yearly mammograms aren't something I can skip or postpone.  In fact no woman should skip or postpone these but with my history of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) I wouldn't be doing myself any favors by not following up with these appointments.  This situation felt a little like deja vu from 8 years ago but not completely.

Tues, Feb 21, 2017
was my yearly screening mammogram.  A little apprehension is always going to be there for me.  I don't get scared, I just want to get in, get out and get the results quickly!

The next day...

Wed, Feb 22, 2017 
Dennis is getting ready to leave for work and gives me his ritual bear hug and kiss but it was a little different today especially when he says something like, "I just have so much love for you this morning."  Very sweet guy I have.  About an hour later while working out I get a call saying I need to come back for more tests because something they see on the films is not clear and they need more pics via mammography, ultrasound and/or MRI.  Ugh!  Ok.  But this is okay because back in 2009 when I was called back after my mammo it was clearly because they saw micro calcifications.  This is what started my breast cancer journey back then.  You can read about that journey here if interested. http://teresa-solodon.blogspot.com/2009/10/chapter-of-teresas-story.html

But for now they just need more info.  Could I come in Thursday Feb 23?  Well, I already made a commitment to babysit and Dennis was already taking his dad to the doctor that day.  I didn't want to stress myself and everyone else out by trying to switch everyone's schedules with less than 24 hour notice.  It wasn't life threatening anyway.  Plus, we had a busy weekend with Matthew and his bowling team competing in Regionals both Friday and Saturday.   As much as I wanted to get in, get out and get results, I chose to take a Monday morning appointment instead.  Besides, if by chance results weren't what I wanted to hear, I wanted to wait until AFTER the weekend was done.

I didn't tell Dennis right away because he had a lot going on at work this day and I wanted to wait to hear from my doctor anyway (it was the imaging department who had called me to set up the follow up appointment.) I knew my doctor would be calling me just as soon as he could and sure enough the office did call me a little later explaining that this call back was more about getting more pictures to try to verify what it is they see because they weren't sure if it was a shadow from my implant or perhaps I moved during the screening.  Either way, more tests but please don't worry.

I truly was not scared.  I had peace.

I finished working out and was more concerned than anything about telling Dennis.  He's a trooper but likes to get answers quickly.  Once I told him the news he immediately went in to "fix it" mode, like most men do, by making arrangements for someone else to take his dad so he could go with me on Thursday to the appointment and not wait until Monday.  Bless his heart.  I know how much he loves me.  Here's the thing.  I had a deep conviction that Monday's appointment was fine....that I didn't need to stress out about this.  Dennis and his sister kept texting me asking me if I was sure.  I really and truly was sure. I know how much this bothered Dennis because he hates the waiting game but I believe God's hand was all over this.  God always has a plan in every situation.  In fact I'm confident He has plenty of back up plans too.  I believe God allows some things, events, trials to come into our lives for a reason.  Not to punish, but to help us...we just have to be aware and on the look out for God's purpose.  I'm not exactly sure what the reason was for this hiccup in our lives but my theory is this, actually a couple different things....
       
          Theory one. Recently in our small group we talked about how Dennis is quick to speak and pray but a tad slower at sitting still, staying quiet and waiting to hear the answer God is trying to tell him.  Dennis knows this is an opportunity for him in life and prays to do better. By me "making" him wait until Monday he had no choice but to talk to God and practice listening to Him so he knew what he should do to "fix" this.  This leads to theory number two.  Obedience.

          Dennis heeded what the Bible tells us to do: Matthew 18:19-20 "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agreed about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."  Not only did Dennis sit and listen, he was obedient and was not ashamed to ask for prayer on social media (Facebook) that my tests would be 100% normal.  How often do we dismiss going public with our belief in Jesus?  Truthfully, at the time I wasn't having the same "Aha, let's all hold hands and pray for a miracle" moment as much as Dennis was.  Of course I was praying.  I had a little apprehension but I wasn't overly concerned , yet. So many women get called back and most of the time everything is fine.  However, Dennis knew better which leads me to theory number three.  Intercessory prayer.

          Let's pretend Dennis humbly went before God to ask what to do in this situation (which is what God wants) but chose NOT to plead for prayer from others for non-cancerous test results.  We could've sat on this and waited until AFTER the extra tests to mention it to everyone.  By doing that, perhaps test results would have been different?  And NOT in our favor?  No doubt God would definitely have used that situation for His glory if test results weren't in our favor.  He's done it before.  I believe it's very possible God used Dennis to ask for intercession in this little hiccup of our life.  I truly believe intercessory prayer can change the results of whatever situation we are going through.  It may not always happen that way, but it will never happen that way if one doesn't even try intercessory prayer at all.

As you probably concluded, my follow up tests came back in my favor today.  After two more mammograms and an ultrasound, the image they saw is that of a benign cyst.  No need for more follow up at this time but just continue to come back for yearly mammogram screenings.

I have a great God.  I have a loving husband.  I am grateful for his persistence this past week.  Being proactive with our health is so important but Dennis took it a step further and was proactive by trusting in the one true Healer.  God is good indeed!

I love you, Dennis.